Deep Breath

GUYS.  I'm about to get real on this blog.  Omg, I'm so terrified to talk about something that's so personal to me.  I try to keep this blog light and fun because I'm mostly talking about cookies.  But it seems like an opportunity for me to connect with people and to hold myself accountable.    So here goes:

I want to lose 25 pounds.  

God, that was painful.  Here's the way my brain works:  I generally don't like admitting that I'd like to lose weight because it feels like admitting that I NEED to lose weight.  It feels admitting that I've failed myself.  And that's a thought that's been on my mind since the age of 14.  No matter what my weight has ever been, I've always felt "fat."  That's a pretty sad sentence huh?  

Ugh, feelings!    

And I want to be clear, I don't equate "fat" (whatever that really means) with a number that means ugly or wrong or unacceptable.  There are plenty of people of all shapes and sizes and they look spectacular and they OWN who they are.  I've mostly never felt like one of those people.  To me "fat" is a feeling.  It FEELS uncomfortable.  It FEELS like shyness.  It FEELS like low self esteem.  It's a reminder that I've set goals for myself and haven't reached them.  

So I suppose this isn't so much about the actual number on the scale but it's about setting a goal for myself and seeing it through.  And that terrifies the heck outta me!  What if I fail?  Why do I think I'll fail?  

More feelings!

And I understand that losing 25lbs won't just magically address any issues I might have with body image or self esteem.  That's another process that needs its own attention.  But I do think that setting a realistic and achievable goal for myself is the first step.  

And the second step is the part where I make a public pledge.  This blog will be my weekly check in.  Every week, good or bad, I'll report my progress.  I'm officially dubbing this campaign "25 by 29."  It means 25 pounds by my 29th birthday, which is approximately 6 months away.  That gives me about a pound a week to hit my goal.  It's the Summer of Annie!  

So I could use all the love, encouragement, and good vibes you've got.  Yay for feelings!